THE Five Biggest Holiday Complaints, as reported by British Embassies abroad - bigger breasts and jam making…
The Briton aboard is a fine beast, seeking to stick what to what he knows, whether it be cooking a full roast pork dinner in the morbid heat of a Dubai summer, introducing the Rio Waiters’ XI to Route One football or asking for ‘mato sauce to add a splash of daring to Mario’s version of the Great British spag bog.
And when overseas, Britons are not alone. They have the embassy staff to call upon. And these tour guides tell us some of the calls they’ve fielded in the course of duty:
* An embassy worker was asked to a fellow Briton’s pay credit card bill because it had “maxed out”.
* A mother asked the consulate in Florida to help her teenage son pack his case and give him a lift to the airport as he was feeling under the weather.
* A noble yeoman wanted the high commission in Zambia to phone his workplace to explain he would not be in because he was unable to get a flight.
* A holidaymaker visiting Italy wondered where they could purchase a particular pair of shoes.
* One caller asked: “I’m making jam - what ratio of fruit to sugar shall I use?”
* A woman called to express her displeasure at size of her newly-enlarged breasts.
The Foreign Office says British embassies are there “to help Britons in real difficulty abroad“.
Quite so. But would it not be prudent, and timely, to furnish these questions with their right answers, official? Jam? Discuss.
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